CFD’s Annual Wild Turkey Shoot in Riverside Park
Sunday, April 6, 7-8 a.m., Dinosaur Playground
At long last, fat robins are hopping across the muddy lawns of mid-Riverside Park. We have the perfect weekend activity for your family.

Bring your 12-gauge or bow and quiver to make your mark and join fellow CFD sharp shooters, as we dodge the cheeping red breasts while hunting elusive local turkeys to win free breakfast for four at the Argo Diner.

Guest speaker: Ann Coulter
CFD April Meeting, Thursday, April 31
Location: TBA
Come hear CFD’S Sweetheart, leggy blonde media darling Ann Coulter, as she tells us how miserably Democrats will lose in 2014. Ann is always one of our most popular speakers because of the money we make off the rotten fruit concession that CFD president Jason Haber operates at the door.

Event is free and open to the public. Only fruit purchased at the door will be allowed inside. (CFD is not responsible for rotator cuff injuries caused by cantaloupe hurling.) Having warmed up at CitiField, Mayor De Blasio has been invited to throw out the first pitch.

Notice: Whoever left their pet iguana at CFD’s March meeting should immediately contact Hilda, who kindly took the inquisitive reptile home till its owner could claim him (her?). Hilda says the sinewy, slimy, long animal with the pulsating wattle is starting to creep her out.

APRIL FOOLS, UPPER WEST SIDE!